Don't Let Little Secrets Destroy Your Marriage.....

Secrets Distroy Your Marriage....

Hello people, I missed you all. Blogging and doing other things is not easy at all. I wonder how all these my big sisters are able to blog and run their daily businesses. I pray I will get there one day. Shout out to SDK, LIB, Ladun, kemmyokpaka, Bellanaija and all the beautiful bloggers. Una dey try abeg. It itnt eazi lol. Una small sister dey salute una o.

A lady called me on Sunday and told me she had some serious issues. She has been in a relationship for 1 year and 6 months. The guy has proposed and she has even met his parents. They are in the process of fixing the wedding dates which the guy wants to fall sometime in the month of July. Now the problem is that while she was in secondary school she got pregnant and had twin boys who live with her elder sister and her fiancé doesn't know about it. She was asking me if she could keep the truth away from the guy. How can you do that? He has met the boys but think they are her sisters kids. One day the truth will come out and this guy will love you less not because you have kids but because you didn't carry him along and kept it a secret. I've asked her to tell him the truth but she is finding it very difficult. I have gotten involved and called the guy. I will be meeting him on Thursday. I hope and pray everything goes well. I've always believed in being open and truthful. If he wants to stay, good and if not, still good but truth must be told.

Those little secrets we keep from our better halves today will most certainly hunt us tomorrow. Below are some secrets you should never keep from your spouse from the very beginning. It is better they know the truth and if they decide to stay, all well and good. We keep secrets because at times being open can be difficult and because we fear the worst may happen of we speak the truth but we need to pray, believe God and build that trust in our marriages.

Trust and transparency are cornerstones of marriage. Being honest creates a solid foundation in marriage and allows couples to maintain a healthy relationship. Similarly, deception erodes the trust and leads to a breakdown of the relationship. Simply put, honesty is essential and it’s important not to keep secrets. It’s expected that you don’t share every minute detail about your life with your significant other however, there are some "non-negotiables" that you should disclose.

Extra marital Affairs: (Whether emotional or physical in nature and whether one-time or on-going affair). The other person deserves to know that the integrity of the relationship has been violated. As a matter of fact, they have a right to know. Being in a relationship requires trust and if you have not kept that trust—you need to come clean about it. So if you can't take the risk of speaking the truth, don't start it.

Love Child: Your mate should know of children from previous relationships, whether you actively parent them or not. This is important for financial, emotional and family relationships. It’s also necessary to share any past miscarriages or even abortions that you/your mate may have experienced because it may affect how you relate to them.

Sexual Abuse. If you were abused, this experience will impact how you relate and respond to others. Even if you’ve received healing, some experiences shape your perspectives, thoughts, mindset, etc. So in all fairness to your mate, share this bit of information because your mate should know the whole "you."

Health Conditions. It’s not fair to your mate to come home one day and find you curled up in a fetal position, screaming in pain and agony because you hid an illness and now it’s running its course. Your spouse should know what’s going on with the real you and you deserve the support that your mate can offer.

STDs. Sexual intimacy is a fundamental component of any strong marriage. So, if the intimacy has been compromised in any way because of a sexually transmitted disease, your spouse deserves to know, whether you contracted it before the marriage, whether he/she infected you or because of an extramarital affair.

Financial Issues: Large Debts, Bankruptcies or other financial issues. In marriage, the two become one and this includes financial woes. Because both parties will have to work together for the financial well-being of your family, it’s important to share money issues, so that they can be addressed collectively.

Hidden Feelings. If you are carrying around baggage, resentment, forgiveness or anger towards your spouse, it’s imperative that you communicate it. The longer hidden feelings linger, the greater the likelihood that those feelings will compound and eventually erode the unity of the marriage. Marriage is based on mutual understanding, so it’s important to share your most sincere feelings.

Criminal Past. Whether current or from years ago, it’s important to be forthcoming about any criminal issues. This could become a concern when applying for a job or if the legal matter was never resolved. You don’t want your spouse to be caught off guard, so be forthcoming now.

Secret Friendships. You never want your spouse to be excluded from any aspect of your life, especially when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. This could create jealousy and resentment. Additionally, if your friendship is romantic in nature, you should honor your vows and choose your marriage over the friendship. This could prevent an affair or even divorce later down the line.

Addictions. Chemical dependencies, sexual obsessions, gambling, and alcohol abuse are serious matters that your spouse deserves to know about, immediately. Addictions have the ability to lead a family down a destructive road and tear a family apart. However, with support and treatment, the likelihood of overcoming an addiction is much greater, so it’s critical to be honest about this struggle.

Everyone enters marriage with the hope that it will be a loving, lasting bond. Don’t allow that bond to be comprised by keeping secrets from your spouse. Be honest and forthcoming now, so that any secrets and the associated consequences don’t weigh down your relationship later.

There are many other secrets we keep some little, some mighty but if we truly love our partners then we must come clean. Much love darlings... God Bless You.