If You Don’t Know Me, Don’t Judge Me

 

 This is a summary of a call i got from a friend. “Hello aunty, have you heard? Joy has remarried again. She is so shameless. Her husband just divorced her 6 months ago and she has remarried again. Instead of her to sit and check herself to know what her faults are. Her husband said she does not cook, she does not keep the house clean, she doesn’t even wash his cloths and she calls herself a married woman. Ok, we will see how this her 2^nd marriage will turn out. We the good ones have not married one and she is marrying her 2^nd husband. She will come out again as usual. Shameless woman.” Hmmmm.

People must talk sha. They can talk about you just for any reason. It might be your looks, attitude, achievements, status, clothes, religious belief, morals, hygiene or some other aspect of your life.

 There’s this lady in my church, a true believer and doer of the word of God, who is very kind-hearted, cheerful, prayerful and hardworking but does not take care of herself. She is at the extreme end on the disregard-for-appearance scale. Never wearing makeup or jewellery, her hair is always a mess; her clothes don't match or fit, sometimes wearing visibly dirty and torn cloths to events. Don’t get me wrong, she is not poor. Her kids attend the best schools here in Lagos and her husband has a good job in the bank. I have seen the looks of disgust she receives from people, particularly from other women or should I call them sisters in Christ. Her opinion is almost never sought and when she interacts with some people, they struggle so hard to control their disgust. So even though she is perfectly nice, they have already taken a dislike to her and it can show in how they treat her, talk about her and relate with her. After she has gone, you see sisters and some brothers too talking ill of her. WRONG...

Again, many shy people can be mistaken for being proud and arrogant when really they are just afraid to talk to other people or worse feel inferior, insecure and unworthy to talk to others. But because their aloofness is seen as arrogance, people say all kinds of mean things about them. They say things like, she thinks she is better than us, she can't even say hello! What and who does she think she is?

These are examples of people who don’t know your story but tell it better than you. They sit, listen to others talk about you (which most times out of inferiority complex, hatred or jealousy are negative), judge you, add some more nonsense to your already damaged image and spread it like butter on bread.

This article is for those who judge you without knowing you and I say, PLEASE STOP JUDGING PEOPLE.

Many times you see people judging you based on what they’ve heard about you (true or false). They relate with you based on their understanding of who you are. If for instance you have been talked about to be a lose woman or flirt, men automatically see you as a toy to play with. This is so so wrong. I have told many people to get to know the other person before you can judge them or put a label on them. Like always said, never judge a book by its cover or based on another persons’ review. What you see is not always what it is.

YES, There are those people who truly are bad and you do not want to get caught in their web of pain, so the best way to relate with such people is to deal with them with a measure of caution till you get to know them, still giving them the benefit of doubt. Even at that, there is always a reason for someone to be bad which can never be a justifiable reason, and it’s always also best to know why the bad ones do those bad things. Even if you know you cant change them, make your observations know and move on with your own life.

That said, when you don’t know someone, or your only knowledge of them is from gossip and rumours, you don’t know them. Please stop judging them with misplaced assumptions because you don’t know them.

You don’t know what they have been through, what they’ve seen, what they’ve felt, what they’ve desired and how they’ve experienced deep, intolerable, howling pain, physically and psychologically.

But again, I do understand that there are certain types of people who have no other job to do but to belittle others whom they do or do not know what demons they are fighting or they have fought. Well, It is part of human nature and something that can't be changed.

"They talk about people  and waste their own precious time discussing them, making fun and hurtful jokes about people out of hatred and or jealousy.  

So if you consider your time precious do not think about such people or give any attention to them.

My one advice to the person being talked about is to IGNORED AND MOVE ON. At least in this situation try to think that you have become so important and are at that level from where people wish to bring you down.

Trust me even they will stop talking about you just keep on doing your thing. What really matters is where you’d be 5 years from now....God willing.

Don't waste you energy thinking why others hate you and choose to gossip about and insult you. It’s in your hands to encourage or shame them. Just be focused and don't get upset, scared, bullied or depressed.  People will say, even to your face, negative things about you and you can't change that but what you can change is your thinking, mindset, presentation and appearance.

In the case of open confrontation,  thank them for helping you turn into a better person and helping you develop a thick skin. As a matter of fact, don't even show that you care about what others say to you or about you.  Just keep living you life likes its golden.

Dont bother about people who are nothing in your life.

People get criticized for the things they do or do not do.

Most times this negative talk is as a result of jelousy or hatred and what they don’t understand is that hating someone is exhausting, stressful and time consuming. Instead of hating and being jealous, why don’t you do something positive that will make you a better person?

Finally, If they say something hurtful, it's their fault, if you get hurt by it, it's your fault.

These kind of people aren't worth your time and it's best not to  let their actions get the best of you; people will always talk behind peoples' backs as it is human nature.

Just focus on yourself, do what you think is right, and strive to be a much better person.